Dead End Print

I’m sure you are all aware of the idea of a pub crawl: hit a many bars as you can in one night.  I am here to bring to light a different approach to these.  It’s called a pub run.  The concept is the same, except you physically jog to all these bars, and you would ideally cover much greater distance.  The last one I went on covered about 6 miles, and included 9 bar stops.  That is probably the most fun I have had drinking with my friends.  There is a video of it; I’ve included the link.

This was the weekend of Bockfest in Cincinnati, a time where the local breweries release their spring brews, and turn it into a festival.  Cincinnati has many people of German ancestry, so beer is a big part of the culture.  We planned this particular pub run about a week and a half prior to the festival, and nobody could have predicted that the first weekend in March would bring a freak blizzard.  This certainly thinned the numbers at the festival, but we proceeded with our run regardless.  The blizzard meant that I didn’t have to work for the weekend, which was awesome.  For those of you familiar with Cincinnati’s layout, we started at Murphy’s Pub in Clifton, and proceeded through Over-the-Rhine to a bar called Milton’s.  We insisted that the bartender take a picture with us.  He agreed only after what we told him we ran over half a mile in order to get there.  After a beer there, we went to Bockfest Hall, which was a club called the Red Cheetah.  We drank a large beer there, and continued on with the night.  Mr Pitiful’s was just that: pitiful.  The service sucked ass, and the placed literally smelled like piss.  We did not stay.  We ventured about nine blocks southwest, to a place called O’Malley’s in the Alley.  That place rules.  This was the second time we made them a stop on our pub runs, due to our previous encounter with a guy named Pete, who bought us a pitcher of beer and gave us $20 to swing into Covington, KY on our journey.  Awesome, I know.  We had a few beers there, and continued on into Kentucky.  We ran to Molly Malone’s, and found it nearly empty.  We had a couple more beers there, and then proceeded to the half-way point of our trip, Hofbrauhaus in Newport, KY.  Much to our dismay, they were closed, and we were very thirsty.  Our saving grace on this trip was the fact that the convenience store across the street was still open, and they sold us a 6-pack of Budweiser 16-oz cans.  We thanked them, took the picture with the clerk, and left.  As we headed back across the Ohio River, we paused on the Purple People Bridge to kill that 6-pack.  Afterward, we ventured back through the blizzard-stricken downtown Cincinnati to Milton’s.  After one more beer at Milton’s, we began the extremely arduous run back to Murphy’s.  I say arduous because it was all uphill, and very steep uphill at that.  About ten minutes away from Murphy’s, I called the bar and asked them to have a couple of pitchers ready for us to drink when we got there.  Leo, the bartender, kindly obliged.  At this point, we get into the bar, and drink beer, warm up and get the ice out of our beards.  This was, by far, the best thing that we could have done for that night.

Guys, if you are looking for an interesting way to get noticed by women, pub runs are the way to go.  Honestly, the further you run to a bar, the more of a bad-ass you become.  You know the saying, “I think, therefore I am,”?  Well, consider this.  I run to the bar, therefore I am a bad-ass.  One of my party got lucky in one of the bathrooms along the way simply because we ran there.  It’s like hitting a home run in tee-ball.  It’s just sitting there; all you have to do is swing the damn bat.  It’s also a great way to put a new spin on an old concept, you know, shake things up a bit.  Those of you who don’t think you’re in shape enough to do this, I say this: I smoke a pack a day, and I still get through them.  They really are so much fucking fun, it’s unbelievable.  Watch the video.  It’s pretty poor quality, but it still so much damn fun.