A man in Virginia has been charged with indecent exposure for making coffee in his kitchen naked. The kitchen of the place that he has a legal right to be making coffee in. He was naked, making coffee in his own kitchen, and somebody was walking past with their kid and saw him making coffee in his kitchen. I just can’t get over this. This is ridiculous. I guess the moral of this story is that you are not allowed to be naked in your own home unless you are absolutely sure there is no one able to watch you.
So, it is a crime to be the victim of a voyeuristic act. Wow. I never thought that I would see the day where being naked in my own home may be a crime. I guess I will buy a bunch of cut-off shorts and wear them like underwear all day, every day, until I forget what my pecker actually looks like. Yeah, that is a much more healthy way to deal with this situation. The main thing I’m concerned about is how I’m going to get rid of my bodily waste, since I’m apparently not allowed to be naked in my own home? Or is there a bathroom clause in there somewhere, provided the bathroom has no windows and the door has a medium-grade security system on it? Perhaps they market some sort of intricate, pelvic plumbing system to remove the unwanted excrement while still preserving your non-nudity…. I wonder what they’re going to do about newborn babies, being that they are born naked, and since a woman’s uterus doesn’t seem to engineer Dungarees. It didn’t perform this function the last time I checked; although it’s been awhile since I was prenatal. I guess the new mothers are screwed as well, since a baby usually pops out of the woman’s vagina. I can’t imagine Roto-Rooter coming up with a device to extract a newborn from those tight-fitting Gap jeans; the poor kid will probably suffocate in there anyway.
Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell happened to this world? Since when is it okay for some asshole to look in on me while I may be doing God-knows-what in my birthday suit? Not just okay, but illegal on my part? How dumb is that? How in the name of almighty hell did this charge actually get filed? I am fairly confident that this charge will get thrown out. That’s not the point. The point is that some jackass actually called the police on a man making coffee naked IN HIS OWN KITCHEN!!! Unbelievable!! That makes about as much sense as filing charges against a woman for eating a hot dog, since it almost always looks sexy when they do. Or how about some pervert looking through a window and catching a mother breast-feeding her child? Is that mother going to get prosecuted too? By the looks of things, probably. That being said, I need to lie down before my head caves in. I think the neurons in my brain are leaking out my ears. Remind me to find a rusty spoon to remove my eyes with.
