What I’ve read in recent hours has taken my breath away. After I got through the scotch-induced haze that ruined my afternoon, I stumbled across an article regarding the gay marriage issue in California. Proposition 8, the voter-approved ban on gay marriage, has gathered numerous supporters across the state. The article assembles a few key factoids that I thought I should share with you. The first is that supporters of the gay marriage ban “insist they oppose same-sex marriage to preserve the traditional definition of heterosexual marriage, not to discriminate against the rights of gays and lesbians.” You know how much sense that makes? None. At all. I don’t know much about the supporters of Proposition 8, since I try to put as much distance between myself and ignorant crazies as I can, but I have determined that they have one hell of a comedian writing their material. Who the fuck comes up with something like that? If you translate that sentence from crazy-bullshit-political-jargon into modern English, it reads, “We don’t want to oppress you, but we’re going to do it anyway.” I think this was paraphrased from the handbook on passive-aggressive bigotry, published under the title, How To Oppress People While Disguising The Fact That You Are A Complete Tool By Pretending You Have A Boner For The Good Old Days, brought to us by Prejudiced Asshole Publishing.
I’ve heard all the arguments before, at least I thought I had. I was shocked to discover that there is a man in California, William Tam is his name, who has gone on public record as saying that legalizing gay marriage is the first step in legalizing polygamy and pedophilia. He actually likened sex between two consenting adults of the same gender to molesting a child. Who the fuck is this guy, and how long has he been off medication? Do the pod people know this guy is here? Speaking of pod people, the reason we haven’t found life on other planets is because aliens take one look at this asshole and go, “Earth? That place where everybody hates everybody for logically warped reasons? Fuck that, man. Let’s just have a kegger on Pluto. Those Earth fuckers don’t even consider Pluto a planet anymore.”
That wasn’t the most frightening argument this pillar of ignorance had to offer. He said, in open court, that lifting the ban on gay marriage would leave the state vulnerable to Satan. If that is true, then I apologize to the gay community, but you can’t get married. Your state already has its hands full with Lady Gaga, I don’t think allowing another evil goat-demon of a fallen angel to run amok would be a good idea.
You know what I think the Proposition 8 supporters should do? I think they should start calling themselves a philanthropic organization. They are already trying to masquerade under the guise of sanity, and that sure ain’t fucking working. Why not try a new approach? If they claim that they are looking out for the best interests of the gay community by saving them from the inevitable misery that marriage causes, they might actually get somewhere. Seriously, all people talk about when they speak of marriage is fucking misery. Why do gays want to sign up for that?
I don’t really get what the big deal is about this issue. Then again, I don’t get a lot of things. But of all things that are far beyond my reach, this one might just be the furthest. What confuses the few brain cells I have remaining is how these people can actually say they aren’t trying to discriminate against gays and keep a straight face. Imagine if the KKK thought of that argument during the civil rights movement. Every time I read that fucking quote, my bullshit radar lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree. In fact, when that quote is on my screen, the pungent odor of horse feces begins to emanate from my screen and offend my nostrils. Being a heterosexual, this issue does not have any influence on how I live my life. However, I don’t see how we can call ourselves a great nation when we still discriminate the way we do.
