I read an article about an app for the iPhone that locates sex offenders within a 10-mile radius from any given address. I’m not ripping on this app, nor any of the other crime-fighting apps on this device, such as the one that lets you avoid high-crime areas. They don’t suck. I’m just wondering how they would advertise that…
Let’s say you wanted to know if there is anyone in the area who might kidnap your child, murder them, and then sodomize their dead body over and over again…there’s an app for that. Probably a little too on-the-nose.
As these apps get more and more bizarre, I can only wonder what the next ones will be….
Let’s say you need to make a quick getaway after robbing a bank, and need to locate a jet-pack…there’s an app for that. Or maybe you are lonely and need the love of a good hooker…there’s an app for that. Or perhaps you need to locate some Kryptonite to defeat Superman…there’s an app for that. Perhaps you want to find the best way to assassinate a world leader…there’s an app for that. Maybe you need to get your hands on some blow before the voices in your head tell you to butt-fuck a rabid squirrel…there’s an app for that. If you are Ichabod Crane, and need a weapon to defeat the Headless Horseman…there’s an app for that. Perhaps you are stuck in a mental hospital, and need to find the best way to escape…there’s an app for that. Maybe you run a cult, and need ideas on how to convince as many people to kill themselves as you possibly can…there’s an app for that. Or you run a sex-trade operation, and you need to know what cops you can bribe…there’s an app for that. What if you are cheating on your wife, and need a restaurant to take your mistress to where your wife won’t find out…there’s an app for that. Perhaps you just killed someone, and need a dry-cleaner who won’t ask questions about blood stains on your shirt…there’s an app for that. Let’s say you’re running naked through a public area, and need a route to hide where the cops won’t find you…there’s an app for that. Say you are Luke Skywalker, and need to see the plans to the Death Star so you know where to shoot your proton torpedoes…there’s an app for that. What if you are an Egyptian pharaoh, and need to get a big-ass pyramid built quickly and cheaply…there’s an app for that. And finally, let’s say you have grown so sick and tired of these lame-ass commercials for the iPhone and its apps, have subsequently lost faith in humanity and want to kill yourself…there’s probably an app for that too.
