Apparently, there is a skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus Rex going up for auction in Las Vegas. That’s awesome. But there’s one problem: auctions are unpredictable, and dinosaurs are expensive. I don’t know what to say there. That was in the article. Those were the words that butchered my eyeballs. Dinosaurs are expensive? Really? No shit. The average dinosaur is around 65 million years old, dead and mostly decomposed. I know they are expensive, you fucking morons! You know what tipped me off? I DON’T KNOW ANYBODY WHO OWNS THEIR OWN DINOSAUR SKELETON!!!! I’VE NEVER HEARD OF ANY PERSON, NOT EVEN A CELEBRITY OR REALLY RICH ASSHOLE WHO OWNS ONE!!!!
But seriously, who wouldn’t want their own Tyrannosaur skeleton? If I had the funds, I would jump all over that shit. Never mind where I would keep it, I would love to have my own dead dinosaur. That would be awesome! It would be the greatest pet in the entire world! I would never have to feed it or clean up its gigantic poop piles, because it’s dead! It doesn’t eat or poop! I would put a couch underneath it, and drink beer and watch TV underneath a Tyrannosaurus Rex. It would be the greatest living room piece in the history of man. The greatest ever. Martha Stewart can kiss my ass. Or the remains of my dead dinosaur’s ass.
I just can’t get over the idea of owning a dinosaur skeleton. I want one really badly. I now have a reason to get filthy stinking rich: So I can afford to buy a Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton. That would kick ass. That is my dream in life.
